


Desperate Plee

by SilenceAndSound



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3511433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilenceAndSound/pseuds/SilenceAndSound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Just a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather, I was wishing that you and I might end up together"</p><p>Harry makes a mistake leaving Louis, but he never rectifies the situation. Instead Louis stays just as helpless, broken and hurt as ever. But Harry never notices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperate Plee

Day of the engagement

Louis watches as his ex-boyfriend laugh and smile with the other lads. Once upon a time it was him that made Harry giggle like that, it was him who made Harry’s dimples show, and it was him who caused Harry’s eyes to light up. But somewhere along the line Louis figured he messed up. He had to; why else would Harry do what he did? The young pop star had a reputation for December 7th girlfriends but now he was known for the May 15th boyfriend. May 15th. The date was like a taboo on the band. The fans never mentioned it, the boys never did, the crew never did, and Louis never did. For others it was probably some silly thing like not wanting to hurt Louis but in reality Louis was already hurt. Broken, not beyond repair, almost though. He wished every single day that Harry would apologise. Explain what happened that night, explain why he tore out Louis heart and stepped all over it with daggers tied to his shoes. Oh how he wished. He explained through words what his feelings were. Hell he had lost all sense of not being obvious. Maybe that’s because he’s started to lose all sense of hope. As he sees the happiness in his previous lover’s eyes he knows that it’s time to give him up. Of course Louis knows that won’t be an easy feat. Harry Styles would always hold a place in Louis heart no matter what. No amount of fake relationships, sex or convincing will change anything. Louis’ heart drops to his toes when he sees Nick Grimshaw walk into the room. He watches as he strides confidently to Harry. Watches as he scoops him into his arms. Watches as Harry is brought in for a passionate kiss. Louis looks away. The all too familiar pang in his chest appears. Louis is very accustomed to that pang. It never really leaves if he’s being honest with himself. Ever since the dreadful night Harry barely associates with Louis. When he does he’s cold and closed off. Louis learned not to expect Harry to do much for him.  
Louis looks up as he hears Niall clear his throat.  
“If y’all are going to do that, go somewhere else please. We don’t appreciate seeing you two sharing saliva.” He says, clearly annoyed. Nick glared before dragging harry out the room. Louis can feel three pairs of eyes glued to him. With an eyebrow raised, he turns towards Liam, knowing the speech was coming. 

“Louis-“Liam started but is cut off by Louis.  
“Look, guys, I appreciate it, I really do but I’m a big boy. I can handle my little problems.”  
Skeptical glances were thrown around the room, silent conversations conversed furiously. The scene is interrupted by Harry entering the room with tears streaming down his face. Niall, Liam, Zayn and Louis all cocked their heads curiously simultaneously.  
“Harry? Are you okay?” asks Zayn cautiously. Harry nodded a smile breaking through the tears.  
“Nick, Nick proposed!” Harry exclaims excitedly. Louis blue eye’s fall onto Harry’s left hand. It bears a ring.  
“Louis? Isn’t this amazing?!” Harry says just as Nick walks into the room. Louis, unable to speak just simply nodded. He needed to get out, Out of that room. Finding his voice Louis croaked out a sentence. “I need the loo and a coffee. I’ll be back soon.”  
He then fled from the room towards his apartment. The apartment, it didn’t feel like home anymore, not since Harry left. Louis could feel tears sting his face as he looked at a picture of him and harry together. Happy. Carefree. In love.  
Sobs wracked through his body as suddenly the pain felt unbearable. The past three years crashed onto him the way a wave crashed onto the rocks, unforgiving and harsh. Louis stayed like that for hours, curled into a fetal position with a photograph clutched in his hands. As he closed his eyes everything seemed perfect again. He could imagine Harry holding him, kissing his forehead, whispering sweet nothing into his ear.  
Day of the announcement  
“You all know Nick and I have been together for quite some time now, and a few weeks ago something very exciting happened. We got engaged. We didn’t want to not tell you because of your constant support. Without you all, we would never have met, and I would never have been this happy in my life.” Harry announces. They’re at a concert, the last of the tour in fact.  
Harry has his arm slung around Nick’s waist and Nick is smiling up at him like he holds the secrets of the universe.  
For a few minutes the entire stadium was deadly silent until someone in the front row yelled, “What about Lou?”  
Louis’ heart warmed at the considerations and inclusiveness. But he knew he couldn’t ruin the moment by confessing his undying feelings for the curly haired boy.  
“What about me?”  
The atmosphere was tense. Thick with unanswered questions and heavy with unspoken thoughts. Liam broke it with announcing they were all going to a cover of a song individually at the request of fans. When it was Louis turn, he got to pick between The Weight and A Drop in The Ocean. He opened his mouth and began to sing.  
A drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I’m holding you closer than most, cause you are my Heaven.  
I don’t wanna waste the weekend  
If you don’t love me, pretend a few more hours, then it’s time to go  
As my train rolls down the east coast  
I wonder how you keep warm  
It’s too late to cry  
Too broken to move on and I still can’t let you be  
Most nights I hardly sleep  
Don’t take what you don’t need from me  
It’s just a drop in the ocean  
A change in the weather  
I was praying that you and me might end up together  
It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert  
But I’m holding you close than most, cause you are my heaven.

Louis didn’t notice the one tear, a silent yet deadly streak of salt water. Lou didn’t notice, but the fans did. The boy’s did. Everyone did, but not Harry. He was too busy flirting with Nick, all of his attention was undivided. Harry didn’t even process that Louis was even singing. It was quite sad really, the loss of such friendship and respect. The loss of such a strong love.  
When the tear reached his lips he tasted it. The bitter saltiness, the pain that went hand and hand with it and the weakness. For Louis crying wasn’t something he wanted to do, to cry was infinitely worse than what had originally happened. He would rather scream and kick that break down and sob until his throat was raw. Unfortunately everything changed when it was Harry, because Harry would forever be Louis’ undoing.  
Day of the wedding  
Harry looked amazing. Flawless, perfect, beautiful, exquisite, gorgeous, stunning, handsome, striking. Everything. Nick looked disgusting. Maybe Louis just hated Nick.  
Harry looked happy too and although Louis hurt because he knew that he would never make Harry that happy ever again, Harry was still happy and that’s all that really mattered.  
Louis found himself comparing Harry to him.  
Harry’s smile was radiant.  
Louis’ was non-existent.  
Harry was mingling, talking to everyone.  
Louis was secluded.  
Harry looked whole.  
Louis looked broken.  
It was clear whom that night had affected the most. A part of Louis – a large part – was happy that Harry was feeling what Louis was because he didn’t want harry to have to bear what he did. But a smaller part, a tiny part wished Harry understood. That rather than being cold and cut off he would know that all Louis needed was him. All Louis wanted was to hold him, to kiss him, to love him.  
The priest stood and silence fell.  
Harry stood, and Nick stood too.  
The rest was a blur. A flurry of vows, smiles, tears and voices.  
Louis paid no attention to it.  
In the end he left early, skipping the reception. But for once, in about two to three years, Harry noticed.  
Day of the confrontation  
About a week had passed. Louis had spent that week writing and recording new songs. It was actually a very productive week.  
It was Louis ways of living, keep busy don’t dwell. But when certain things or some ones turned up on a certain doorstep he was force to dwell. Certain someone turned out to be Harry and certain doorstep turned out to be Louis’.  
At first Louis was shocked then he was angry then he was confused. It took all of his will power to not embrace him and feel his chin resting atop his head, his lips softly pressing kisses to his forehead, lingering slightly. Louis could paint the image so clearly and definite.  
Instead he stared expressionless at the love of his life. Harry stared back just as cold.  
“Can I-“  
“What do you want Harry?” Louis cut him off not really wanting him to come in if he just wanted that sweater Louis stole off Harry, or show off his shiny new ring. Maybe he wanted pictures or old things he forgot about the day after.  
“I need to talk to you.” Was all the reply he got. No emotion and no feeling.  
“Seriously? Three years of muteness towards me now you want to talk?” As much as Louis wanted to talk to Harry, to spill out his thoughts his feelings he couldn’t. It was too late to make a difference.  
Harry rolled his eyes, sick of Louis antics already, “Why did you leave the wedding early?”  
“I’m surprised you noticed.” Louis laughed dryly, “Lord knows you never do.”  
Harry looked at him funny, “Just answer the damn question. If you didn’t want to be there then you should’ve let one of us know. And cut the crap, I’m sick of you acting all sad and in pain, I’m happy leave me and Nick be.”  
“First of all, I left because hey I didn’t want to be there. And gosh, forgive me for not wanting to talk to you, the one who just so happened to crush my soul into microscopic pieces, or McDouchepants. Secondly I don’t really expect you to understand since you’re all happy and in love with dear old grimmy but guess what Harry? Some of us are sad and in pain and some people, namely you, refuse to believe that. Lastly I would like to point out, I never talk to you. I never bother you. I never out rightly state I have anything against you and Nick’s relationship. I never disturb your loved up bubble of happiness. You’re the one who turned up on my doorstep because you are the one who left in the first place.” The words had come unexpectedly and suddenly but Louis just blurted them out not really caring at the point.  
To say Harry was shocked would be a lie and to say Louis wasn’t crying would also, be a lie.  
Harry stood there, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Louis just stood there silent now, completely soundless tears making their way down his cheeks.  
After too long of staring at the ground Louis just walked back inside. Too lazy to close the door he just left it there with Harry standing on the threshold. Having flopped on the couch Harry just decided to walk in.  
“Why is the picture broken?” Harry asked, referring to the picture frame that encompassed a photograph of the two when they were together. Harry had his arms wrapped around Louis, lips pressed to his cheek and Louis had a grin and dusting of pink across his cheeks.  
“I threw it,”  
“Why?”  
“Please leave,”  
“No,”  
“Harry get out.”  
“Why?”  
Louis wanted to tell him. He wanted to say: because you are married. Because you are standing there looking just as beautiful as you always do. Because you’re wearing Nick’s ring, not mine. Because you are no longer and never will be again, my boyfriend.  
But he didn’t.  
Well at least he didn’t mean to but apparently he did.  
“What do you mean Nick’s ring and not yours?” curiosity thick in Harry’s voice. Louis froze, breathing stopped, eyes snapped shut.  
You idiot Lou, why did you say that out loud, he never knew.  
“Louis? Are you okay?”  
Louis’ eyes snapped open, taking in Harry’s green ones, wishing the held the love he used to see. Maybe he never really saw that though. Everything was questioned that night.  
A strangled whisper escaped Louis’ mouth, “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” Harry knelt, his curls falling across his face.  
“We both know that’s a lie,” said Harry, “What did you mean?” It was that moment that Louis honest to god wanted the ground to swallow him whole, leaving no trace of him.  
“I said don’t worry!” The words came out a little louder and forceful than expected but if Louis was being honest he really didn’t mind.  
“Okay,”  
Louis really didn’t think it would be that easy to get him to leave but nonetheless he walked out and didn’t look back. He slowly stood up, the weight of everything suddenly crashing back down on him. Louis made his way to Harry’s old room; he hadn’t been in there nor touched it since Harry left.  
Everything was perfectly in place, a bit of dust yes, but everything was perfect. Louis made his way to Harry’s old dresser (Harry didn’t even come back for his furniture) and traced his fingers along it, letting the dust gather. His eyes raked over the bed, the last time he’d been in it, he was curled around his baby’s back. The last time he’d been in it he was happy, now he wasn’t.  
After some time of just standing, remembering, Louis decided to do what he’s originally gone in for. It was still there, behind the drawer, just slotting into the gap. It was in a red velvet box and dust coated the top making it look more like red with grey spots. The inside however, was black and wedged in the cushion was the ring. The ring shopping itself was painful, Louis was badgering Zayn for information on where he got Perrie’s engagement ring. Once he got that he dragged Liam with him just because “You never know, maybe Sophia would appreciate this in the foreseeable future.” When they had found this particular one they knew it was perfect. It was elegant but not too extravagant. Now it wasn’t where Louis had originally hoped for it to be. An engagement ring was supposed to be worn on a hand. A proud shrine of love. But instead it sat behind a draw and another man had seized Harry’s hand and placed his shrine.  
Louis picked it up, twirling it around his pointer finger before switching it over to the middle one, letting it rest there. If Harry couldn’t wear it, Louis would wear it for him. Because even if Harry decided his heart belonged to someone else, Louis would still be there. Ready to catch him if he fell, ready to be the shoulder to cry on. He was ready to love him. He always had been and always will be. Because Harry was Louis’ baby.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was my first shot at writing any sort of fanfiction and actually thinking it was good enough to post. I hope you liked it, if you didn't please let me know why so I can work on it and improve. Also not going to lie, I'm seriously considering making it into a longer story.


End file.
